Not Meant to Be

Well sadly this pregnancy is not going to stay around.  It came back as such a strong positive and then went downhill from there.  I am so mad and angry right now and can't understand why this is happening.  I just wish it would have been negative from the start or even questionable instead of coming back as a strong positive.  I guess we will just have to wait and see what our RE says about everything but at this point I really don't know if I can go through all of this anymore.

Too Long....

I have been gone for a while now.  We have been busy having a ball with Adam, who is now 3 and just as crazy as can be!  He is definitely all boy - loves all things bugs, trucks, construction, trains, airplanes - you name it.  He is just the light of our lives and we thank God everyday for him. 

I am hoping to write on here more because these next months coming up are something I am going to want to not forget!  After 2 1/2 years of trying for baby #2 - today I can FINALLY say it's happening!  After 1 fresh IVF and 3 frozen embryo cycles we finally are pregnant!  And this time was it for us, these were are last 2 embryos and it worked!  I am still in shock but so, so, so thankful to God for blessing us!

RE Follow Up

We had our follow up with our RE today and it didn't go well.  Basically, my AMH value is .56 and someone my age should have a value between 2-4, so in so many words my eggs are crap (those of a 40+ year old).  We have a 30% chance of getting pregnant.  We still have 2 more frozen blasts but I am not feeling so great about those since we have transferred 5 from the cycle and none of them took.  So at this point I am thinking we need to seriously consider donor eggs or adoption.  We will still have another frozen cycle with the 2 we have because I can't leave them.  We won't be doing that though until September or October, I just want to enjoy the summer first.  But I really think we need to figure out what we are going to do if that frozen cycle fails (which I have a feeling it will).

I just have to thank God for that beautiful, perfect angel I have napping upstairs right now!!!!!

Yet Again - Negative

Wish I had better news but once again I got that awful call that it didn't work.

Transfer Complete

Yesterday we had our transfer - everything went really good!  We ended up trasnferring 3 blastocysts - one of them was already hatching (which is a great sign).  I was very shocked when the doctor came in and said we have 3 that we're going to put back with a very, very miniscule chance that all 3 would take.  I thought for sure that the most he would transfer would be 2 so needless to say I still think I am in shock that there are actually 3 blastocysts inside me right now.  I am freaked out about the thought of all of them taking - I think I could handle 2 but 3 really scares me!  All I am praying for it to work!  My blood test is on May 21st, so we'll know then if it worked!

FET Date

Sorry I have been MIA lately.  Things are all good here.  I have been taking meds in preperation for our frozen embryo cycle.  I went to the doctor today for a check and everything is looking good so one week from today will be our transfer!  This has to be it - 3rd time trying for number 2 - so third times a charm, right?!

Adam is Learning

Today I made tater tots for dinner and Adam asked me for some more cylinders! I died laughing - I know he learned what cylinders are from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, that is where he learned all of his shapes (with my emphasizing it as well on our own) but he knows all the basic shapes and also cone, sphere, cube and we are working on all the "gons" hexagon, pentagon, octagon. He is doing pretty well with counting and can pretty much count to 20 with a little bit of help - can count to 10 no problem. And he does pretty well with his colors. We are now starting to work on letters - my goal is to have him know them all by the time he is 3. He also loves to sing! His favorites to sing with no help are - Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, On the Good Ship Lollipop, ABCs and his newest Take Me Out to the Ballgame. I taught him to sing that song to say root for the Cardinals (I am from St. Louis and love them) and my husband just cringes everytime since he was born here in Detroit and loves the Tigers.

Easter 2012

Easter was busy at our house this year. We had my mom and dad, brother and sister and her family stay at our house this weekend and then we had my husband's entire family over on Sunday - so all in all there were about 25 people there. It was so nice to have everyone. The Easter Bunny spoiled Adam rotten (either Mommy or Grandma needs to lay low on that front next time) but he loves everything. He had a blast with all of his cousins and keeps talking about how he played with ALL of his cousins. Adam has really been talking up a storm lately - it's so funny the things he says! He definately is ALL boy - he thinks burping and tooting is hilarious and trys to make the noises and laughs - Mommy can't help but laugh a couple of the times. Yesterday in the tub he tooted and got this shocked look and then said, "I hiccup in my back" - so funny!

Our transfer is scheduled for May 11th - the Friday before Mother's Day. I got a shot at the doctor last week of Lupron (it was $800!!!!) yes for one shot! I am so glad they did that at the office so I didn't screw it up. Now I don't have to go back to the office until April 24th for a ultrasound and then I'll start pills on the 26th and be on our way. I am really hopeful that this is going to be it for us!

Here are a couple of Adam's easter pictures....

Moving On

I have been quiet lately because there hasn't been too much to report. We have just been living our lives and enjoying the AWESOME weather we have been having lately! But soon things will be hopping - I got my calendar from the doctor this week for our FET! It looks like the transfer will be May 11th so soon I will be starting all of the drugs to prepare my body for that! It just has to work this time.

But before all of that I am hosting Easter for my whole family and my husband's whole family! It's going to be a big party! How is it almost Easter already?!

Follow Up Appointment

We went for our follow up appointment with the doctor on Friday. He said that as far as the cycle everything went perfectly and there was no reason that it shouldn't have worked, it unfortunately was just one of those things that we can't explain. He said we didn't need to do any additional testing or anything and is confident that we will get pregnant soon. He stressed how are embryo quality is excellent and the 5 frozen embryos are in great shape. So even though we didn't leave with any solid answers I do feel better because he was so optimistic and even said all of the doctors got together and looked at the file and agreed how great everything went. So knowing that they don't think there is another problem is a huge relief.
He wants us to wait 2 cycles until we try a frozen embryo transfer - so I'll start birth control pills in March to regulate my system and hopefully all goes well and at the end of April we will have that transfer.

Not the News I was Hoping For

So my blood test came back negative. I had pretty much convinced myself this weekend that it didn't work, I just had this feeling and then I started spotting on Saturday afternoon so that was pretty much the nail in the coffin for me that told me it was over. Surprisingly I am handling it ok today, I think because I cried so much this weekend.

One bright spot is we have 5 frozen embryos! I just got that news today too, so that made me feel better about this not working. So we are going to meet with our doctor to discuss this past cycle and then see how soon we can move on and try the frozen ones.

So Mad at Myself

I am so mad at myself. Against my better judgement I took a home pregnancy test yesterday afternoon and it came up negative. I cried and cried and cried all afternoon. Why did I do that to myself. I am still holding out a little bit of hope that it might be too early. When I had Adam I took a test the same day (11 days past ovulation) and it came out negative and then 15 days past ovulation I had my blood work and it was 80, so I am hoping that I am just a low beta kind of girl and the same will happen this time. But I have to admit it is harder to stay positive now, I am really, really trying. I need all the prayers out there that I can get that this has worked!

PS - I called the doctor about my other embryos yesterday to see if any had made it to freeze and they said that it takes a week to get the paperwork - seriously I need to know if there are some left over so that if it hasn't worked this time at least I know we have those (even though I am not so confident on frozen transfers since the one we had didn't work) but at least it's something to hold onto because there is no way we can afford another round of IVF if this didn't work.

This Wait is Killing Me

This is seriously the worst part of the whole IVF process is the waiting to find out if it worked. It completely consumes my thoughts all day long! One day I feel positive that it worked and then the next not so much. I was going to take a home pregnancy test before my bloodwork on Monday but the possibility of seeing a negative is scaring me.

Transfer is Complete

We transferred 2 beautiful Grade A blastocysts this morning! My doctor couldn't be more pleased with them and the best part is besides those 2 we still have 6 more growing in the lab - so in a few days we'll see how many of those made it to the freeze process. Now I am on 48 hours of bedrest - my parents are in town and took my son out all day and my husband is here to be my slave :) I have a stack of movies to watch and am looking forward to just relaxing the next 2 days!

Tomorrow

So anxious for tomorrow to just be here! I really want to know how our 10 embryos are doing and I won't know until tomorrow morning at 7:30 when we show up for our transfer! I just pray that we have 2 beautiful ones to be able to transfer. Then I am on bedrest for 48 hours - I have my list of movies for my hubby to rent for me and have cleaned the house and done the laundry. My parent's are coming in town to help with Adam and I am actually thinking about going back home with them on Monday so that my dad can help me with Adam the rest of the week since Bob has to go back to work and I just really want to take it easy as much as I can next week. So if I do I will either have to learn out to give my Progesterone injection to myself (although it seems difficult to do myself since it's in such a hard area to reach for me) or my dad will have to learn how to do it since my mom will be out of town all next week. I don't know what I'll end up doing but for now I am leaning towards going home with them but we'll see.

Fertilization Report

I just got the call with our fertilization report - out of the 22 eggs retrieved 16 of them were mature and of those 10 of them fertilized! I am so excited - so my transfer will be Saturday at 8:00 a.m. - then the long wait until my bloodwork on February 6th!

Egg Retrieval Update

Egg retrieval went great today - they got 22 eggs!!!! I am in shock, with Adam they got 10 so I was expecting the same amount this time. I couldn't be happier, I know this doesn't gaurantee anything but I have just felt so good this whole cycle. So I will either have the embryo transfer Thursday or Saturday but my doctor told me today he can pretty much gaurantee that it will be Saturday based on the number of eggs. Early tomorrow afternoon I will get the fertilization report, I can't wait for that phone call! Thank you God for all of the amazing blessings you have bestowed upon us!

Egg Retrieval Scheduled

My scan went well today! I have around 20+ follicles that are mostly measuring around 17mm. So I drop one of my meds tonight and just do the shot that prevents ovulation. Lower my one shot in the AM tomorrow and do my trigger shot at exactly 8:00 p.m. tomorrow night. Then at 8:00 a.m. on Monday is the retrieval! I am so excited to be at this point and just keep praying that everything continues as well as it has to this point.

First Scan Update

I had my first ultrasound today after starting stims and things are looking great! I have 12 or so follicles on one side and around 8 on the other. The RE was super pleased with everything - he said they are all around the same size which is great! They are actually lowering my evening dose of meds a little bit and I have to add another shot to prevent ovulation. So I will be doing 3 shots a day for a few days. I go back on Friday for one more check but the RE told me today that my egg retrieval will definately be on Sunday or Monday! We are moving along, I am so excited!

One Down...

Just finished with my first injection for the morning! It wasn't bad at all. I was on the phone with Bob while he was at work as I did it. Adam was standing right there curious as to what I was doing. When I finished it Adam then said "Good job Mommy" - so funny! It's like he knew I was a little nervous about it.