Our Trip

Our cruise didn't go exactly as planned. Adam got the stomach flu the weekend before we were supposed to leave. It only lasted 24 hours so I felt pretty good about going. But the night before we were supposed to leave both my husband and I came down with it! It was the worst thing ever - thank goodness we have more than one bathroom! We didn't sleep all night, luckily we were at my parent's house when it hit us so they took Adam for that night because I have no idea how we could have taken care of him. I don't know how we did it but we made it to the airport and onto our flight the next morning. As soon as we got on the cruise ship we went straight to bed and only got up for the mandatory life boat drill and then were out again until the next morning. We felt much better the next day but still not 100% until the last day of our cruise. We both actually lost weight! We put a deposit down on another cruise while we were there so we are going to figure out when to take another one without being sick this time! We might even take Adam with us but I have to admit it was nice just the 2 of us being away. I know Adam had a great time with my parents too - his own mini-vacation!
I took Adam for his 15 month check-up today. He hadn't gained any weight since his 1 year appointment, he is 20 pounds (5th percentile) and 31.5 inches (45th percentile). The doctor isn't concerned about the lack of weight gain because I told him that he eats like a horse but he never sits down. I think if we go back for his 18 month appointment and it's still the same I will be really concerned but I am not at all right now. It's just so hard to find pants to fit him, everything that fits him in the length is SO big in the waist and falls down. They need to sell baby belts or suspenders or something.
Below are some cute pictures we took while Adam was playing dress up with Bob's stuff...

Trip

So excited - Bob and I just booked a cruise for the 2 of us! Just a long weekend for us to get away - it was a great deal. We haven't been away just the 2 of us since before Adam was born. I am nervous to be away from my baby though but my mom and dad are watching him and I know he will be fine. It will be good for the both of us since we are rarely apart from each other.

Jealousy

Is it just me or does there seem to be pregnant people EVERYWHERE lately! I feel like each day there is a announcement about a ton of celebrities that are pregnant. I don't know if maybe I am just sensitive to this but I can't help these feelings of jealousy whenever I hear that. I was doing so good getting over the fact that the FET didn't work and now all of sudden those feelings of disappointment and anger are coming back.
There are 3 different blogs that I read where the girls are pregnant with their 2nd baby naturally after having done IVF for their first! That does give me some glimmer of hope that it could happen but I doubt it. I just don't see how things could change for us and it could happen naturally, especially after our doctor told us that she doesn't think things have changed and we would need to do another IVF to concieve again. I really hate the fact that it costs so much and we are trying to relocate to Detroit right now so it's like our life is on hold. I just want to make Adam a big brother so bad!

Adam's 1st Birthday - Christmas

It's been a while. We had a great time on Adam's 1st Birthday and Christmas this year. For Adam's birthday we had just a small family party but we had so much fun. Adam was spoiled rotten! He got a slide, bunches of toys, books and a ride on train! Our house looks like a toy store and that was before Christmas! Once Christmas came it was even more! I'll have to remember that next year and not go so crazy - my parents are going to have to work on that too! It's a lot of stuff to get all at once.

Bob and I went to our RE for our follow up from the failed FET. She suggested another fresh IVF cycle, which I kind of figured she would. She thinks that's our only chance at having another one. Even though I had a feeling that's what she was going to say, it didn't make it any easier to hear, I cried the whole way home. I don't know when Bob and I will do a fresh cycle again because we are in the middle of trying to sell our house and move to Detroit - which really, really depresses me. I know that if we weren't moving there would be no question - we would be doing another cycle right now. I am trying not to be mad about that fact but it's hard not to be resentful about it all. All I know is that when I can finally get Bob to do another fresh cycle, even if we are in Detroit, I will be using the same doctor and just come back and stay with my parents if I have to. I don't even want to think about going to another doctor - since we know that we have had success there.

On a happy note - Here are a few shots from Adam's 1 year photo session....

Happy 1st Birthday Adam

This past year has been filled with first time we laid eyes on you, first touches, first kisses, first hugs, first cuddles, first baths, first tears, first trips, first smiles, first laughs, first foods, first tooth, first sitting ups, first words, first boo boos, first holidays, first hair cut, first steps, first time in the ocean and now your First Birthday! We have been so blessed to experience each of these firsts and you have made our lives so enriched. We love you so much Adam - today, tomorrow and always! Love - Mommy & Daddy

Still Here

Yes, I am still here. I needed to take sometime to process everything that happened but I am much better now. I had my time to mourn, to be angry and to cry - now I am much, much better and am at the point where I can honestly say that it just wasn't meant to be at this time but I know sometime in the future when the time is right Adam will have a sibling. Right now I am just going to enjoy having my precious baby boy and treasure each and every single moment.

Friday he will turn 1 - I can't believe it! Not sure what we are going to do yet on his actual birthday but on Saturday we are having family over for a small party. We went and saw Santa this weekend - it was so adorable. As soon as I sat Adam in Santa's lap he just looked and looked at him with this adorable face, melted my heart!

It's Over

Just got the news that my level dropped to 25. I have been told to quit taking all of my meds I was on. I am so depressed and mad.