I am so glad this week is finally almost over! I am so anxious and excited to go to the doctor's on Monday morning. This weekend should fly by since my nephew is getting baptized on Sunday, so I am sure I will be busy helping with that.
Last night I had a major melt-down! I transferred money from our savings to our checking account to be able to cover the amount for the IVF so that we can write the check on Monday. After doing that I saw what was left in our savings account, called Bob and freaked out. I was thinking to myself maybe we don't have any business doing this, maybe we are playing with fire, my mind was just going all crazy. I know we will be fine but it's just a scary thing to be spending so much money on something that isn't even gauranteed. I think my melt down was also partially due just to the stress of this whole situation. I am just so scared that people are saying this is going to be our answer but that it won't work. Maybe we just aren't meant to have a biological child. I cried like I haven't cried in a while but I felt so much better after I let it out of my system and talked to my mom. I really am so truly blessed to have such a wonderful mom that I can call and cry to and she knows what to say to settle me down.
It's time to just put everything in the Lord's hands and trust that he will get me through this. There are a lot of people up there that I am sure are rooting us on - Bob's parents, My Grandma and Grandpa Struttmann, my Grandpa Blume and countless others. Things have just gotta work out with all of those people up there.
2 comments:
The investment does seem huge at first but I would like to show you the silver lining in it all. First thing to give God praise about, is that you actually had the money in your account to fund your IVF. That alone is a true blessing. I know a lot of women that have maxed out credit cards, taken out loans, refinanced the house, etc. just to get enough for one shot at IVF. Second, is that you have a lot of support behind you, which is very good to have when going through this. Third and most important is all we can do is trust God through it all. I must admit with this being my 5th IVF I'm about to start it is a true test of faith and I've gotten mad at God plenty of times. But what I also know is that God is a big man and He is my Daddy and can take me being angry and disappointed in Him yet He still loves me the same and will never leave me nor forsake me.
I am here if you need to ask any questions about your cycle. Unfortunately I have far too much personal experience than one could hope for.
(((Hugs)))
Your Mom is awesome, love her so much. Remember, you not only have our family members in heaven watching over you, but people down here too. We love you, and honestly feel that this will work.
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