Thursday, February 26, 2009
Baby Shower - Yes or No
We are having a baby shower at work today for one of my co-workers. I really, really do not want to go. Just hearing people talk about all of the cute outfits they bought and going through labor is making me sick (and sad). I don't really interact with this woman except for a "Hi" in the hallway. Would it be bad if I didn't go? I just don't think I can handle all of the baby talk. Honestly my outlook is so much better since we started moving forward with IVF but I still don't know if I can put myself in that situation for someone I barely know. I think I will just happen to be in the gym at work during the time of the baby shower. I know that's mean but I just can't help it and hopefully no one will even notice that I'm not there.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Drugs are Here
Our box of drugs came yesterday! This is really starting to hit me. I was so overwhelmed going through everything! I hope I don't mess this up.
I am still missing a few needles on here.
On week from Sunday I will start injecting myself. I was looking and those needles are small so it shouldn't be too bad. I set up our extra bathroom upstairs. It looks like a little pharmacy! That is going to be my injection area, I just need to get some alcohol pads and clean the bathroom really good before I need to start it all.
Two of the medications needed to go into the refrigerator - so everytime I open the fridge up I see them and it makes me nervous all over again!
Monday, February 23, 2009
Got the Schedule!
We have our schedule! I am so excited but also so nervous! On March 8th I will start Lupron, this is the injection that will shut down my system - it's basically like going through Menopause. On March 21st I will start taking 2 different drugs that will stimulate my ovaries and hopefully help me to produce lots and lots of eggs. At the end of March or early April I will go in for my egg retrieval and then 3-6 days after that they will put them back in. Finally after waiting 2 weeks we will go in for our bloodwork - so hopefully by Easter I will have a egg or two in my basket that will be growing!
There are walls of pictures of babies at the office. We have been there so many times but I have never really looked at the walls. Bob was looking at them today and made a comment on how they were all twins (or most of them were)! His face was so funny! I think the realization of everything hit him today. Writing the check for the treatment was not fun - I have never written a check that big before! I think we were just getting over the shock of that when the pharmacy called and gave me the cost of the meds - holy cow! I knew they would be expensive but actually hearing the amount was something else. I have a $4000.00 drug habit - haha! I told Bob that I am really going to feel like a druggie, starting on 3/21 I will be injecting myself 3 different times.
We are getting all of the drugs shipped to us and will arrive tomorrow - I will post of picture of them then.
There are walls of pictures of babies at the office. We have been there so many times but I have never really looked at the walls. Bob was looking at them today and made a comment on how they were all twins (or most of them were)! His face was so funny! I think the realization of everything hit him today. Writing the check for the treatment was not fun - I have never written a check that big before! I think we were just getting over the shock of that when the pharmacy called and gave me the cost of the meds - holy cow! I knew they would be expensive but actually hearing the amount was something else. I have a $4000.00 drug habit - haha! I told Bob that I am really going to feel like a druggie, starting on 3/21 I will be injecting myself 3 different times.
We are getting all of the drugs shipped to us and will arrive tomorrow - I will post of picture of them then.
Friday, February 20, 2009
I am so glad this week is finally almost over! I am so anxious and excited to go to the doctor's on Monday morning. This weekend should fly by since my nephew is getting baptized on Sunday, so I am sure I will be busy helping with that.
Last night I had a major melt-down! I transferred money from our savings to our checking account to be able to cover the amount for the IVF so that we can write the check on Monday. After doing that I saw what was left in our savings account, called Bob and freaked out. I was thinking to myself maybe we don't have any business doing this, maybe we are playing with fire, my mind was just going all crazy. I know we will be fine but it's just a scary thing to be spending so much money on something that isn't even gauranteed. I think my melt down was also partially due just to the stress of this whole situation. I am just so scared that people are saying this is going to be our answer but that it won't work. Maybe we just aren't meant to have a biological child. I cried like I haven't cried in a while but I felt so much better after I let it out of my system and talked to my mom. I really am so truly blessed to have such a wonderful mom that I can call and cry to and she knows what to say to settle me down.
It's time to just put everything in the Lord's hands and trust that he will get me through this. There are a lot of people up there that I am sure are rooting us on - Bob's parents, My Grandma and Grandpa Struttmann, my Grandpa Blume and countless others. Things have just gotta work out with all of those people up there.
Last night I had a major melt-down! I transferred money from our savings to our checking account to be able to cover the amount for the IVF so that we can write the check on Monday. After doing that I saw what was left in our savings account, called Bob and freaked out. I was thinking to myself maybe we don't have any business doing this, maybe we are playing with fire, my mind was just going all crazy. I know we will be fine but it's just a scary thing to be spending so much money on something that isn't even gauranteed. I think my melt down was also partially due just to the stress of this whole situation. I am just so scared that people are saying this is going to be our answer but that it won't work. Maybe we just aren't meant to have a biological child. I cried like I haven't cried in a while but I felt so much better after I let it out of my system and talked to my mom. I really am so truly blessed to have such a wonderful mom that I can call and cry to and she knows what to say to settle me down.
It's time to just put everything in the Lord's hands and trust that he will get me through this. There are a lot of people up there that I am sure are rooting us on - Bob's parents, My Grandma and Grandpa Struttmann, my Grandpa Blume and countless others. Things have just gotta work out with all of those people up there.
Monday, February 16, 2009
One week from today is our nurse's class, I am so anxious to just get started already.
I brought my gym clothes to work today so I can go to the gym at lunch. I wanted to start exercising again but you are not supposed to start anything once you start the IVF process, so I figure if I start today I should be ok and can continue throughout. I am not planning on doing anything major, just walking. But I want to make sure I can do this once we start because I am scared of the weight that most people gain while going through this process, I have already had to clean out my closet once this year of the pants that no longer fit me.
So my mind has been wandering all weekend. I am basically convincing myself that this is our answer and that this is going to work for us. I get really excited about the prospect of being able to pick baby names, shop for cradles, cribs, car seats, clothes and such. But then I always seem to stop myself and the fear comes into play. The fear that this isn't going to work, the fear that I will never know what it feels like to carry a baby in my womb, the fear that Bob and I will spend years and years and lots and lots of money and never have a child to call our own. The thought of this not working is something I don't think I can handle - if this becomes a failed attempt I really don't know how I will recover from that.
Now that I just let out all of my fears I am going to work on letting them go. I need to have only happy thoughts!
I brought my gym clothes to work today so I can go to the gym at lunch. I wanted to start exercising again but you are not supposed to start anything once you start the IVF process, so I figure if I start today I should be ok and can continue throughout. I am not planning on doing anything major, just walking. But I want to make sure I can do this once we start because I am scared of the weight that most people gain while going through this process, I have already had to clean out my closet once this year of the pants that no longer fit me.
So my mind has been wandering all weekend. I am basically convincing myself that this is our answer and that this is going to work for us. I get really excited about the prospect of being able to pick baby names, shop for cradles, cribs, car seats, clothes and such. But then I always seem to stop myself and the fear comes into play. The fear that this isn't going to work, the fear that I will never know what it feels like to carry a baby in my womb, the fear that Bob and I will spend years and years and lots and lots of money and never have a child to call our own. The thought of this not working is something I don't think I can handle - if this becomes a failed attempt I really don't know how I will recover from that.
Now that I just let out all of my fears I am going to work on letting them go. I need to have only happy thoughts!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
We got our financial clearance letter yesterday! That means that I can call and make the appointment with our nurse to come in and sign the consent forms and learn about the medications and injections! I called this morning and am just waiting for them to call me back.
I have done so much research in the past few days that I could be an expert in IVF (not really) but it is so amazing what can be done! I thought I would share the process with you so that you could all understand it a little more.
First thing - Pay A LOT of money - haha! No in all seriousness usually the 1st thing that happens is that the doctor will put you on birth control pills for a few weeks. They want you on these to be able to regulate your body and know exactly when your next period is going to come. It was so strange for my to actually start taking them - I want the opposite effect, but once I read what they were for I understood. They were really expensive too, I guess they are a specific kind that they use for this because I know someone else who had the same ones, they are chewables!
Once you have been on the birth control for a bit and they check to make sure you are ready to go you will start injections (usually of Lu.pr.on) to suppress your body, this usually happens a week before your period is supposed to come. So basically they want to shut down your system, it's almost like going through menopause apparently! From what I have read you will get hot flashes, night sweats, moodiness and not be able to sleep. Oh boy, I can't wait for that! All I have to say is bless Bob's heart right now because I know I am NOT going to be a fun person to be around. He thinks my PMS is bad - just wait mister!
Next, it's time to stimulate your ovaries! At this point I will be giving myself stimulating injections (along with Lu.pr.on still). You can be overstimulated and develop a serious condition called OOHS (I think that is it) so therefore you still need to take the Lu.pr.on. How long you stimulate is all dependant on your body. My doctor is putting me on a low dose of stimulating drugs because she doesn't think that I will need that much. Some side effects of the stimulants are pretty much the same as Lu.pr.on becasue you body is just going crazy - but add on top of that lots and lots of boating! I think I might need to find some strechy pants. I will go in to the office a lot during this time to have bloodwork drawn and ultrasounds to see how my follicles are growing. When the doctor feels that I have enough follicles and lots and lots of mature eggs (hopefully) I will give myself and injection of HSG. This has to be timed perfectly! Forty hours from the injection I will go to the office, be put out and they will go in to retrieve all of my eggs. If you do this too early the eggs might not be fully ready and have a hard shell (or something like that) on them, if it is too late the follicles might already release the eggs and there is no way to get them. So Bob and I will have to make sure we are right on time for that appointment.
Once my eggs are retrieved they will be immediately taking to the lab and a embryologist will take all of my mature eggs and put one of Bob's little ones in there. The eggs will continue to grow (and hopefully divide many, many times) in a petri dish. On day 3 they will check on them and see how they are. Then on day 5 they will check on them again. I need to do more research on this part but I think that they can put the eggs back on day 3 or 5 depending on how they grow. Once my baby (or babies) are ready we will go back to the office and they will implant some of them (at least 2, but maybe more depending on their quality) with a catheder directly into my wanting and waiting womb :) At this point I will start injections of progesterone to keep my lining nice and squishy and thick for the little one to plant into! Then we wait 2 LONG weeks until we go for our blood test to see if it worked!
I think I got all of this information correct! I'm sure if something is wrong I'll learn very quickly. But that is the jest of it for you guys!
UPDATE - REs office just called - we go in on February 23rd for our class with our nurse!
I have done so much research in the past few days that I could be an expert in IVF (not really) but it is so amazing what can be done! I thought I would share the process with you so that you could all understand it a little more.
First thing - Pay A LOT of money - haha! No in all seriousness usually the 1st thing that happens is that the doctor will put you on birth control pills for a few weeks. They want you on these to be able to regulate your body and know exactly when your next period is going to come. It was so strange for my to actually start taking them - I want the opposite effect, but once I read what they were for I understood. They were really expensive too, I guess they are a specific kind that they use for this because I know someone else who had the same ones, they are chewables!
Once you have been on the birth control for a bit and they check to make sure you are ready to go you will start injections (usually of Lu.pr.on) to suppress your body, this usually happens a week before your period is supposed to come. So basically they want to shut down your system, it's almost like going through menopause apparently! From what I have read you will get hot flashes, night sweats, moodiness and not be able to sleep. Oh boy, I can't wait for that! All I have to say is bless Bob's heart right now because I know I am NOT going to be a fun person to be around. He thinks my PMS is bad - just wait mister!
Next, it's time to stimulate your ovaries! At this point I will be giving myself stimulating injections (along with Lu.pr.on still). You can be overstimulated and develop a serious condition called OOHS (I think that is it) so therefore you still need to take the Lu.pr.on. How long you stimulate is all dependant on your body. My doctor is putting me on a low dose of stimulating drugs because she doesn't think that I will need that much. Some side effects of the stimulants are pretty much the same as Lu.pr.on becasue you body is just going crazy - but add on top of that lots and lots of boating! I think I might need to find some strechy pants. I will go in to the office a lot during this time to have bloodwork drawn and ultrasounds to see how my follicles are growing. When the doctor feels that I have enough follicles and lots and lots of mature eggs (hopefully) I will give myself and injection of HSG. This has to be timed perfectly! Forty hours from the injection I will go to the office, be put out and they will go in to retrieve all of my eggs. If you do this too early the eggs might not be fully ready and have a hard shell (or something like that) on them, if it is too late the follicles might already release the eggs and there is no way to get them. So Bob and I will have to make sure we are right on time for that appointment.
Once my eggs are retrieved they will be immediately taking to the lab and a embryologist will take all of my mature eggs and put one of Bob's little ones in there. The eggs will continue to grow (and hopefully divide many, many times) in a petri dish. On day 3 they will check on them and see how they are. Then on day 5 they will check on them again. I need to do more research on this part but I think that they can put the eggs back on day 3 or 5 depending on how they grow. Once my baby (or babies) are ready we will go back to the office and they will implant some of them (at least 2, but maybe more depending on their quality) with a catheder directly into my wanting and waiting womb :) At this point I will start injections of progesterone to keep my lining nice and squishy and thick for the little one to plant into! Then we wait 2 LONG weeks until we go for our blood test to see if it worked!
I think I got all of this information correct! I'm sure if something is wrong I'll learn very quickly. But that is the jest of it for you guys!
UPDATE - REs office just called - we go in on February 23rd for our class with our nurse!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Just about Ready to Go!
We are just about ready to move forward with our IVF! I met with the RE (Reproductive Encronologist) and was able to get all of my questions answered! We decided to go with the Shared Success program - basically we get 3 chances at IVF in one year, if it doesn't work we get 100% refund - to me it is a win/win situation.
So we are now just waiting to get a financial clearance letter from the office in the mail this week. Once we receive that I will call the office and set up an appointment with the nurses for Bob and I to go in and learn how to mix all of the injections and how to actually give the injections (I think Bob will like that part). We will then sign all of the consent forms and pay for the procedure. It's strange the things that Bob and I have to figure out before signing the consents - like if we are going to freeze the left over eggs, if we do in the event of a divorce who gets custody, if one of us dies or both of us die what happens to the eggs! We both are like we are never going to get divorced but these are conversations we have to have.
I was hoping that I would get an estimated timeline from the RE yesterday on when we would start everything but she didn't have one yet. I have a bunch of cysts on my Right ovary so I am on birth control right now to regulate my body and hopefully that will get rid of the cysts. In the meantime I am just doing as much research as I can on what it about to happen. I have the list of medications that my RE will put me on - there is like 5 of them and all are injections. From what I can see some days I will be giving myself 2 injections but it will all be worth it in the end.
So we are now just waiting to get a financial clearance letter from the office in the mail this week. Once we receive that I will call the office and set up an appointment with the nurses for Bob and I to go in and learn how to mix all of the injections and how to actually give the injections (I think Bob will like that part). We will then sign all of the consent forms and pay for the procedure. It's strange the things that Bob and I have to figure out before signing the consents - like if we are going to freeze the left over eggs, if we do in the event of a divorce who gets custody, if one of us dies or both of us die what happens to the eggs! We both are like we are never going to get divorced but these are conversations we have to have.
I was hoping that I would get an estimated timeline from the RE yesterday on when we would start everything but she didn't have one yet. I have a bunch of cysts on my Right ovary so I am on birth control right now to regulate my body and hopefully that will get rid of the cysts. In the meantime I am just doing as much research as I can on what it about to happen. I have the list of medications that my RE will put me on - there is like 5 of them and all are injections. From what I can see some days I will be giving myself 2 injections but it will all be worth it in the end.