Wish I Had Better News

Yesterday did not go at all like I had hoped it would. After the day dragging on it was time for me to call the RE's answering service to get my results from my beta. I could tell immediately when I heard the nurses voice that it wasn't good. They said that my beta level came back at a 10 and anything over a 5 is positive but this was an extremely low positive. So I have to go back for another beta on Wednesday. After I listened to the message at first I was kind of excited because a positive is a positive and why wouldn't it work for me?! Then I proceeded to do some research online and it didn't look good at all. I can't find any stories with someone having a beta so low and continuing on to a successful pregnancy. I was heartbroken so I took a pregnancy test because I had one and it didn't even come up positive so the numbers are that low. I hate that I have to wait until Wednesday to know for sure but I am preparing myself for the worst that it's not going to work.

Why do I have to be punished this way - if it's not going to work why couldn't it have just come back as a negative in the first place - why put us on more of a roller coaster than we are already on. I was so stressed out about this as it was because these were our only 2 embryos we had left - why does it have to be harder. My heart is so heavy and I am so angry right now - why us. I HATE that we have to deal with infertility, I HATE that we can't get pregnant the 'normal' way, I HATE the thought of Adam possibly being an only child, I HATE that we have to spend all this money for no results, I HATE this. I am so tired of seeing negative pregnancy tests.

Don't get me wrong I feel so incredibly blessed that we have Adam and I treasure him more now than ever but my heart doesn't feel full yet. I know we are still meant to have more children. I just feel a little helpless right now.

Thanksgiving

We had a great Thanksgiving - we went to my parents house. The food was fabulous as always - I ate way too much! I can't believe that was Adam's last first holiday - my oh my that went by fast. Adam had so much fun playing with his 2 cousins - he wasn't too hungry at dinner time (we ate early because the turkey cooked faster than we anticipated) so he didn't really eat any turkey or anything - he had mac and cheese later on. But he did enjoy a tiny bit of pumpkin pie! I can't wait to celebrate Christmas with him this year! He is going to be so much fun seeing the lights and everything. I can't wait to take him to see Santa either - we didn't go last year since he was so little.

I sent out the invitations for his 1st birthday yesterday! I'll have to get a picture of his birthday theme stuff it is so cute and I got the cutest outfit for him to wear! I will definately post pictures of that when I get a chance.

So I am so ready for Monday to be here for the beta! I hate waiting and waiting. I did take a test on Thursday morning and it was negative but I kind of had a feeling it would be because it was so early, so I have decided to not take anymore tests and just wait for the bloodwork results. So please keep your fingers crossed for us. I don't feel any different or anything so I can't tell but hopefully it's good news!

Here is a picture of our little family from Thanksgiving.

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting

I hate this part most of all during this whole process. Everything is done and all I can do is just sit and wait to find out the results. Hopefully since tomorrow is Thanksgiving and our weekend is pretty full Monday will be here before we know it! I bought some home pregnancy tests but not sure if I am going to take them or not - I think if I haven't already I will definately take one on Monday because I just want to know and not have to wait all day for the results. I have always wanted to take a test too and be surprised by the results, when I was pregnant with Adam I took the test after I got a call from the doctor just because I wanted to see 2 lines.

A couple of days after the transfer I definately felt strange sensations going on below - I told Bob and he said I said the same thing last time - so right now I am taking this as a good sign. Also, I am tired but that could also be because I have an 11 month old that doesn't sit down. I am on restriction from lifting anything over 15 pounds until we get the results on Monday - boy has that been hard not to pick up Adam. I feel so bad because when he is tired he'll just crawl up to me and try to pull on my shirt for me to pick him up. But one good thing is that I think Bob has realized why I would go to bed so early when he was gone travelling for the past 3 months! He has had to do everything for Adam and he said the other day that he is so tired at night and couldn't get anything done - no kidding!

I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving! I can't believe this is Adam's last 1st holiday! This past year has been the best year of my life and has flown by! I'll leave you with a cute shot of Adam playing "So Big"!

All Done

Tranfer went fabulous this morning! Both of the embryos made the thaw and they are both in perfect quality the embryologist informed us!!!! My doctor and embryologist were SO positive about how they looked and think that everything is going to work out! I am so relieved that it's over - now the waiting game. My beta is scheduled for 11/29 to find out if it worked - 10 days!

Transfer Day Today

So it is 4:00 a.m. and I am awake! I am so nervous for the transfer today, I am nervous that the 2 embryos won't make the thaw, I am nervous about this actually working. I am feeling that desperation again that I felt while we were doing the IVF with Adam and the anger. Why is it that we have issues getting pregnant, why can't it be easy for us, I hate this! I have to just try and relax, say some prayers and put this all in the hands of God!!!!

My transfer is at 8:30 a.m. - I will update afterwards.

Transfer Date

I went for another lining check today - I am at 14 mm. So I start progesterone tomorrow and my transfer is one week from today, November 19th! Bob is scheduled to come home on the 20th but he is going to do everything he can to see if he can come home on the 19th in the morning instead so he can be here for the transfer - I really hope he is able to make it for that - the thought of me going by myself is depressing. Now I am getting SUPER nervous!!!!

Quick Update

I went for another lining check on Monday morning. All is still looking good - my lining was 12 mm, so they are having me come in for one more lining check on Friday and I'll start progesterone then. Right now my embryo transfer is tentatively scheduled for November 19th. Bob is scheduled to come home on the 20th but if the transfer does end up happening that day I think he is going to really try to get home for the transfer on the 19th. This process has been so much easier on my body versus the IVF but I feel like it is taking FOREVER and I haven't even gotten to the worst part the 2 week wait after the transfer!

Adam is really getting more confident at walking and is taking more and more steps each day. It's so cute to watch him because he is so proud of himself and you can just tell he thinks he is hot stuff!

First Steps!!!

I just witnessed Adam take his first steps! He was standing at the TV and just let go and took 3 steps! I am so excited that I saw him do it, my baby boy is growing up so fast. Bob is out of town still and so bummed that he missed it but he gets to come home for a couple of days on Sunday so I am sure Adam will show off his new talent then. I will be following Adam around constantly trying to get a video of it.

On the FET side - went in to the RE today for a lining check. I am at 9mm, the nurse said anything over 8 is good - so right on track. I go back for another check on Monday (excited Bob will be home for that) and then if all goes well I'll be starting progesterone and a mere days after that will be the transfer!!!!